Kung Fu Monkey

'Av some!

2005-08-17T21:15:00.000+01:00

Well, today was the day of my final battle with evil Monsieur Dole. With the interventions of "the Commissioner" I was ultimately victorious. So in the words of the prophecy (and, indeed, the title) 'av some!
In celebration, I bought many a DVD including such classics as Equilibrium and Shogun assassin (only £3!!!). If anyone laughs at these titles, they are asking for a spanking just like the former Dole.

Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.
Pyrrhus

Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.
Sun-tzu

What is the point?

2005-08-14T00:43:00.000+01:00

Well, I have been out drinking today and, needless to say, I am a but tipsy. However, I do believe that this drinking session has cured me of a long standing "issue". Now to the title of this entry. I can't actually tell you anything more about this as, f I do, I would get lots of hassle. Far more than I can be arsed with. But it is nice to know that I am finally getting my head sorted. God bless libation. It is just some what sad that I will have forgotten all of this by the time I wake up so, with some impressive forethought on my part, I have written it down. Genius.
Well, there is a little bit of closure until the morrow.
Bumper quote time my young monkeys...

"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that things are difficult."
-Seneca quotes

"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny."
-Albert Ellis quotes

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely..."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
=Bertrand Russell quote

"The important thing about a problem is not its solution, but the strength we gain in finding the solution"
-Anonymous quotes

Batman my arse

2005-06-24T22:42:00.000+01:00

Now I have gained your attention with the wonders of cheese, I will begin.

Having watched batman begins, I thought it was an ok film. It seems to have an excessive number of stars too. However, being the whinging git that I am, I have a real problem with the plot which revolves around a focused microwave emitter... designed to vapourise water supplies in the desert.
1. Focused how?
2. Why vapourise water when you can vapourise people?
3. Why did people keep walking in front of the thing when it was turned on and not die?
Hmmmm...
The scarecrow was cool anyway.
My previous image hoster has now gone all private, so some of my images may disappear. I will try to fix this when I can. Thanks to photobucket for now meeting all my freeloading needs.
Time for me to get back to beating the monkeys of depression with a big stick.
But first a quote:
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
- Aristotle

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
-Oscar Wilde

Feel the power of the dark side...

2005-06-06T23:00:00.000+01:00

It appears I am evil, at least according to http://www.liquidgeneration.com/quiz/starwars_quiz.asp

Come here, there's more

2005-06-01T15:03:00.000+01:00

In my previous post "silence is golden", I once again rambled off and forgot what the actual point I was trying to make was. The point was that by being quiet I some times appear ungrateful, indifferent, ignorant and some other good words. This is, of course, not the case. But it is not the way to make a good impression.
Anyway, diagnosis murder is on and I am pretty sure that the butler did it...

Quick note

2005-05-31T21:52:00.000+01:00

Did you know that Bruce Lee is now a registered trade mark? The world is going crazy. Dare I say he wasn't even that good? Blasphemy to some.
Even worse is that I have heard that by the end of his life he was turning to the classical styles of (internal) kung fu, and that his death was in some part due to him practicing obscure chi gong - something which can indeed be very dangerous with out proper teaching. Of course, chi gong can do a lot of good too. Iron palm and body conditioning are my favourite applications for it so far.

Silence is golden

2005-05-31T20:21:00.000+01:00

Starting with a quote is a bit of an unusual step for me, but it is relevant I assure you. As those who know me may be aware, I am a fairly quiet person. Sometimes I don't actually even speak to people. Most of the time this is because I believe that if you don't have anything worth saying then you shouldn't bother saying anything. Other times, I don't say anything as I feel uncomfortable around people that I don't know (unless I happen to be really drunk, which is how I have met many of my friends). I am starting to feel that being quiet is giving me an undeserved reputation of being a miserable git. Not something that I want to be known as, but when I am uncomfortable I can do nothing about it. I have got over many of my confidence issues in recent years, but still I don't like strangers. Unless they have sweets.... so much for the childhood warnings.
The more observant of you may have noticed a few new links. One for my kung fu school and for all you karate kai people. I know followers of Japanese styles are dismissive of Chinese styles (and vica versa), but I thought I would try to help you guys out by finding you a real fighting style. Take a look at the official ninja web page.

Facts:

1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

I personally like the hate mail section for the people who can't accept the truth about ninjas. Ninjas are sweet!

"He wrapped himself in quotations - as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of Emperors"
- Rudyard Kipling

I'm Brian and so's my wife...

2005-05-26T22:47:00.000+01:00

Well, I have been watching life of Brian. I had forgotten how funny and totally random it was. Genius.
Anyway, life with me is the same old grind. Maybe getting up at 2pm isn't quite a grind. I think I managed to avoid a job offer of being a builder's labourer today. It would be interesting and useful knowledge, but I think working as a labourer when I have a degree and a bit is a waste.
I was just about to do some kung fu, and thought I would do a quick blog. Faq u is coming on TV now, so I am going to have to go and put a DVD or something on. Hard life.
I have learnt my first few moves of character/poison finger boxing the other day. Very interesting and very nasty. Genius.

"Many's the long night I've dreamed of cheese -- toasted, mostly."
Robert Louis Stevenson

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
-- Roald Dahl

Return of the can

2005-05-11T21:56:00.000+01:00

Yes! He is back --->
Good stuff.
Well, I really can't be arsed with a long post today as my noggin is killing me. Hopefully the ibuprofene (and coffee) that I am taking as I type will help.
Not much happening here at the moment. Doing a bit of work (shock horror).
In the big city yesterday seeing the boss and going a bit of mind will boxing. I learnt the last form of one of the lineages called twelve red hammers. It is interesting and has a hell of a lot of horse in it. Bit like cat food.
After a quick search for martial arts quotes, I have discovered the worlds greatest martial artist - Morihei Ueshiba (http://www-cse.ucsd.edu/users/paloma/Aikido/artpeace.html).
Now, don't get me wrong, Aikido is ok. However, like all good Japanese martial arts, it is watered down chinese martial arts (Actually, I believe aikido is supposed to be derived from Bagua). Anyway, the greatest martial artist in the world. I am sure I know some people who would wipe the floor with him.
Back to serious matters and quotes...

"To hear is to forget, to see is to remember, to do is to understand."
- Chinese proverb
"It's not just self defense, it's about...self control, body discipline, and mind discipline...and breath techniques. It involves yoga. It involves meditation. It's an art, not a sport."
- Elvis Presley

Emergency quote!

2005-05-10T03:11:00.000+01:00

I am so forgetful, so here is a quote. First though, I have to point out that my portrait has disappeared. I hope this is a temporary service problem and not the end of the site. Damn it.

Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real.
Tupac Shakur

It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards.
Lewis Carroll

Too kind

2005-05-10T02:44:00.000+01:00

Well, it is just before 3am and like any normal person, I am putting some new mp3s on to my sexy MuVo. Oh yes. Including some daft punk I might add. I am slightly worried that I am going to have to remove a few old tracks (such as the brilliant das boot), but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.
So, while my beloved computer is busy doing this for me, I decided to write a lovely little blog for you. Hence the title. And, yes I am.
In other matters, I have been practicing a bit of self hypnosis in order to try and improve my motivation. I have to ask though, if I am motivated to learn and try self hypnosis to cure myself of a motivational problem, maybe it isn't my motivation that is at fault? On a minor aside, if you fall asleep while hypnotised, are you still hypnotised when you wake up? This is something that I have been testing...
Today I spent over an hour hacking in to my router. Not much fun, especially when all your internet stops working ,you realise you have no back up and no way to undo what you actually did. Strangely this sort of thing happens to me quite a lot. I guess I am just the sort of person who likes to fiddle with something until I break it, then get a smug sort of satisfaction when I put it back together and see it working.
Deja vu? I am just having a very bad case. This may have something to do with the fact that daft punk is playing down my ears loud enough to melt my ear drums.
Anyway, I have just finished reading Angels and Demons. A good book, just don't read it if you are a scientist (ie a physicist or chemist - no Biology is not a real science). It will annoy you (unless you are a certain friend of mine...). DaVinci code is still good though bearing in mind my previous gripes. Blimey, I am a misery.
Well, my mp3 player has finished doing what needed to be done, so, in the words of the prophecy, it is time to go and de-hypnotics myself.
Until we meet again (damn deja vu).

Pinky (no brain today)

2005-05-02T03:05:00.000+01:00

Just a quick one again. I have been trying to get on with the old thesis and I am making some head way.
Exciting things happening to me recently have been giving up sugar in my coffee (not recommended) and watching poker on ch5 every single night. One hand gives while the other takes away.
A quick quotation which I may have used here before. I have been reading the tao te ching again...

Colours blind the eye.
Sounds deafen the ear.
Flavours numb the taste.
Thoughts weaken the mind.
Desires wither the heart.

Rumours of my demise....

2005-04-25T14:20:00.000+01:00

Well, I could start this blog by laying in to BT. Or by complaining about how not having a phone line for a week has ruined my life. Maybe I could tell you how, when I finally take over the world, the BT operator that I talked to will be first against the wall. But this is all a bit too melodramatic for a Monday morning. Well, afternoon, but it is close to the morning. I am looking at life in a more positive way too...
I have just been to a bbq for my friends birthday. Much drinking was involved as well as meeting someone I haven' seen for about seven years and whom I thought I would ever see again. It turns out he has married my friends sister. It's a small world.
I have been reading Angels and Demons over the last few days. While I do like the concept, I would suggest that scientists do not read it. For example, I have a problem with storing a quarter of a gram of positrons in a jar. Bearing in mind that positrons are essentially the same as electrons (apart from the spin), I don't see how this would work. Also, storing the positrons in a "total vacuum". How I laughed. For anyone who doesn't know, even space isn't a total vacuum. Positirons have been made in the real world, but it is impossible to isolate or store them as there is matter everywhere.
Anyway, I am probably being pedantic. And it is a good book.
Well, it's that time of the day again - the cats are spitting at each other and my coffee cup is empty. Or maybe it is just waiting to be full? Positive thinking.

Sleep

2005-04-17T00:46:00.000+01:00

My parents seem to think that there is something unnatural about getting up at 5pm. You can tell that they were never students.
I am currently reading the Da Vinci Code and, despite my initial doubts, it is an ok book. One thing that does irritate me though is the way in which it is written for an American audience. Maybe this is not done in purpose. Some of the descriptions are irritating because of this. Worse however, are a few of the characters. Stereotypical English people annoy me. Such things as liking earl grey with lemon, not milk or sugar. Being eccentric. Having a thing about castles. The fact that the English guy says soccer also means that the author deserves a good kicking. I suppose it must be the subject matter of the book that I like....

Bertrand Russell:

There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.

Godlike

2005-04-15T14:10:00.000+01:00

Here is something for the religious people out there. God is omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient. Religious fact. The only way that this can be true (to my scientific brain) is if god is indeed everything (and the sum of everything is god).
Ergo, I am god. Genius. Well, at least in part.
Also, you know how when you are looking for something you can't find it? Doesn't that sort of mean that agnostics are buggered?

Filler

2005-04-15T00:00:00.000+01:00

Having just recovered my seat from the cat, I thought I would write a quick blog before she steals it back.
Well, again feeling slightly better. I am feeling pretty light headed all the time too. This is actually quite fun (except when walking) as everything seems a bit surreal. Surreal is good.
Anyway, I have to go. Half way through Donnie Brasco....

Winston Churchhill once walked into the toilets of the House of Commons to find no room at the urinal, so he walked into one of the stalls. While in there he could hear Labour MPs saying "now he can't even pee with the rest of us", to which he peered over the top of the stall and replied "no it's just that if you saw something this big you would want to privatize it".

http://www.coolquotescollection.com/cat/laughs/35/

Plastic Fantastic

2005-04-13T00:17:00.000+01:00

Once again, I am feeling slightly better. Painkillers are a wonderful thing and the man (or even woman) who invented flu capsules should have thier own level of heaven. If you believe in that sort of thing.
A minor aside;
Did you know that Margaret (the iron lady) Thatcher helped to invent Mr. Whippy ice cream? The woman was a genius. Genius.
I have just spent the last hour or two wathing plastic surgery on channel 5. Some of the things are impressive. Others are pretty pointless. However, the thing that impressed me the most was that people are actually more than willing to text in photos (Can you text a photo?) of thier own malformed and often very private bodily parts. Different strokes to rule the world.
Anyway, as I am feeling slightly better today, I have been doing some training. It always amazing me how tiring standing still, in the right way, can be. Even better is that sitting down and breathing should make you sweat. If not, you are doing it wrong. Genius.
Here is a picture of me feeling slightly better...

And while I had the camera out, here is a picture of the cat:

Good stuff.
And now for something completely different. Or maybe just a quote.
Loosely relating to cosmetic surgery (well beauty as my google for cosmetic surgery quotes came up with, erm, lots of quotes for cosmetic surgery. I should have seen that one coming...):

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. ~Confucius

I hope you have lost your good looks, for while they last any fool can adore you, and the adoration of fools is bad for the soul. No, give me a ruined complexion and a lost figure and sixteen chins on a farmyard of Crow's feet and an obvious wig. Then you shall see me coming out strong. ~George Bernard Shaw, to Mrs. Patrick Campbell

No change

2005-04-10T21:37:00.000+01:00

Sadly I am still feeling ill and so there will be no rambling today.
All I have to say is.... AX2E, that's you, that is. Genius. Anyone who understands this should hang their head in shame in the sure and certain knowledge that they are a scientist.

Chemistry is a trade for people without enough imagination to be physicists.
--Arthur C. Clarke

What a tosser.

Sympathy

2005-04-09T22:09:00.000+01:00

Alas, my poor bloggers, I am a bit under the weather today. Indeed, as I sit here typing I am drinking a coffee laced with brandy and as you may know, I really hate drinking alone. Drinking should be social. As a result, this will be a brief entry.
I was looking for an illness quotation but couldn't find anything quite to my liking on the subject. I did however find this...

If hooking a car battery up to a monkey's brain will help find the cure for AIDS and save somebody's life, I have two things to say... the red is positive and the black is negative.
-Nick Dipaolo quotes

Maybe I feel better tomorrow and bless you all with a longer but equally pointless blog. Huzzah!

Quotes

2005-04-09T01:44:00.000+01:00

I forgot my quoting, so here goes...

How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.
--Spanish Proverb

The wise man does not lay up his own treasures. The more he gives to others, the more he has for his own.
--Lao-Tzu

Perfection does not exist. To understand this is the triumph of human intelligence; to expect to possess it is the most dangerous kind of madness
--Alfred de Musset

Courtesy of http://home.att.net/~quotations/index.html#link

Rambling

2005-04-09T00:46:00.000+01:00

Reading my previous posts, I have noticed that I tend to ramble about something and then foget my original point. Well, it is the taking part and not that outcome that matters.
My day today consisted off an early rise (11am - the 3rd time I have been up before midday this week!) and a trip to the dentist. What joy. I got my teeth scaled. I am not quite sure what this has to do with my gums, which he also scaled. For most of the day I have had a mouth full of blood. Very jolly indeed. On a brighter note, I also had a minor filling which meant I had an anaesthetic. This made it impossible for me to move half of my top lip and so resulted in me being able to do an uncanny Elvis impression.
I have just finished doing a whole set of kung fu stuff including something that involved me standing very still for 20 minutes and something that involved me trying to suck up my scrotum for about 4 minutes. Apparently very good for my kidneys and my kung fu. I will let you know if either of them work...
Not much else to report, accept invasion of the body snatchers. Very good film, in fact the best film most of the actors (Donald Sutherland, Brooke Adams, Jeff Goldblum and Leonard Nimoy) have ever been in. I say most as I beleive Brooke Adams may be from the superman films which obviously rule. I thing this is the only film I acyually like Donald Sutherland in. Not meaning to be rude, but I just don't like his face.
Well, time for a coffee and some sort of cake.
Until we meet again...

Priorities

2005-04-07T15:58:00.000+01:00

I sit here with the cat on my lap purring away, and I find myself thinking about priorities. Happiness - yes. Getting aggrevated by pointless little problems - no. Being relaxed - yes. Being stressed - never. Yet I find myself being much more prone to being stressed these days. Why is this? What has changed in my life to make me worry about things that I know are unimportant? The answer is that nothing has changed, only my perception of things. Now I am starting to see consequences and deadlines looming all about me. Now they are getting closer, and I don't like it. Soon I will have to grow up, be responsible, make my own way and make everyone proud. I guess for the first time I am concerned about failing and letting people down. This is not something to which I have ever had to experience before. Even with the minimum of effort I have managed to sail through 21 years of education. Now at the end of it all I find myself thinking maybe I should have paid more attention. Maybe I could have learnt something of the people teaching me. Well, in a word, bugger.
However, contrary to popular opinion, I am not a miserable person. While hindsight is a wonderful thing, it does not change the past. It just makes you a bit more careful in the future. You could say a bit older and wiser. In truth it is a less youthful, less carefree.
Anyway, I am getting side tracked. As I was saying, the past is all done. To be happy, you have to look forward. Otherwise you are caught in the trap of regets over things done/not done or by memories of things that were better than the actual events. So what to look forward to? A long and happy life? Doing something worthwhile? Ruling the world with my iron fist from my moon base? A nice cup of coffee and a kitkat? It doesn't matter. Something to look forward to, no matter how small, make the world a nicer place. And little things can make all the difference.
I am currently looking forward to a nie cup of coffee. I think I may go and realise that dream. Little things...

Cheap laughs

2005-02-09T01:26:00.000Z

I was browsing around blog land and saw this
It made me laugh so much, I had to post it.
And there was me thinking that I had a lot of time on my hands.

Non stick

2005-02-08T19:36:00.000Z

After seeing these in my christmas issue of pcformat (cue geek jokes), I wanted some. As any gamer knows, the feet on optical mice wear out quick. And when they are gone, it can cause extreme amounts of stress. Does this make me sad? Maybe. Not as much as what follows though. After making me want to buy them, I find out that the eeeevil pcworld will only sell them over the intenet. Bearing in mind that I don't want anything more from them (their prices are some what excessive for most things), I found the £5 post and packaging to be a bit steep. I write a nice email to their customer services asking why it was not possible to buy them from a pcworld store (which all have a big section called component centre just to rub salt in to my wounds), and they basically tell me that it's like that (huh) because that's the way it is. Anyway, I then got a bit bitter and went to many shops and received many funny looks asking for them or teflon tape. In true blue peter style, it was time for the double sided sticky tape.....
Starting materials:

Upgraded mouse:

And for good measure, a mouse mat:

Genius.
Well, after a full and productive day doing that, I only had tme for three hours of training. Here is a picture:

If I was a yang stylist, this would be snake creeps down. Since I do chen, but don't know the real name, I will call it... snake creeps down. Genius.
Quote time:
I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think
- Socrates

Pressure

2005-02-07T21:03:00.000Z

Well, I made the sad mistake of actually telling someone that I had a blog. Now the pressure is on to write something once again. Damn you Kropotkin!
And, apparently, I am now south east asian.
Anyway, on to matters of life. Today I saw a young lady that I used to have a bit of a thing for but, thankfully, have long since got over. Until today. When I find out she is a nurse. Damn. Some days you just know that the world is out to get you.
One of the joys of being older is that you can play with your food as much as you like. True, you may get a few strange looks, but in general people will just mind their own business. Especially if you ask them for some of their food to play with as well.
Next time you get some opal fruits (or starburst for any of the younger people) try this. I am convinced it improves the flavour, but would like a second opinion.

Great fun.
For you martial artists out there, get your cheap laugh of the day.
Fear the real deal super secret kung fu style. Indeed.
Time for a quote....

"Do not worry if others do not understand you. Worry if you do not understand them"
- Conficius
"Do not trivialize small acts of peace and harmony, thinking 'I will never reap what I have sown'. A pitcher is filled one drop of water at a time and a person centred in oneness who proceeds in peace and harmony will soon manifest the peace and harmony in his life."
- sayings of the Buddha

Hmmm... I often prefer eatern sayings over western. I think it is down to the fact that eastern languages are often far more artistic and their sayings are slightly abstract.
A quick word on kung fu. I hav recently discovered an extra strike in the hidden punch. It is very sneaky and i like it. I can also now project force through my pi quan (metal or splitting fist) so that I can put out a candle from about a foot away.
For anyone interested, a few points on generating power. Always keep your back straight. You can lean as long as the back is not curved. The six harmonies - one of the keys to internal kung fu: When your shoulders move, your hips move the same way and the same amount (ie. the body never becomes twisted). Hand and foot move together, and elbow and knee moves together (they move together but maybe on opposite sides unlike shoulders and hips). Use them and practice them. Ignore them and forget them. Your choice. They are genius though. Oh, and remember, the hips lead all movement. I have a distinct feeling that people reading this are going to associate it with hippies and kung fu. To explain, when practising tai chi chuan, the hips should always be moving (as the hips lead all movement). I only watched the girl at the front, and she sucked ass. What hope do the rest of them have?
Anyway, before I get too annoyed about hippies ruining the name of kung fu, I will go.
A nice lengthy post to make up for my recent apathy. And to end with, one more quote. Brace yourself, this one is deep.

"Waking I knew a dream, and the sadness like a pouring flood"

*Edit*
I just remembered another quote that I liked:
"Fortis cadere, cedere non potest"
"The brave may fall, but can not give in"

Naughty Monkey

2004-12-19T23:16:00.000Z

Yes my imaginary friends, I have been naughty and not written to you (all) in a while. I am flagellating myself as I type and beg your forgiveness. However, I am a lazy git and you should not have expected better and maybe it is you who should be asking my forgiveness for having high expectations of me. That told you. Anyways, speaking of laziness, I can't really be bothered to type too much, so I fall back on my old friend the list. Without further rambling, here is a list of what I have mostly been up to:
Turning 25 (as of the 18th)
Buying and watching many many cheap DVD's
practicing a lot of kung fu
Doing a lot of standing and sitting meditation
Reading many forums (particularly kung fu based ones)
Doing too much qi kung (or chi gong if you prefer)
Reading up a bit on the occult
Having a laugh at the crazy people in the world
Deciding that being evil overlord of the planet earth is my ideal job
Not going out much
Giving up smoking
Removing cat claws (with cat still attatched) from various bits of my anatomy
Doing some work
Spending hours pressing F5 in the hope of winning a new processor
Being slightly ill
Feeling slightly better
Hmmm... that is about all that I can recall at the moment.
I am off to do some more qi kung/zhan zhuang, mind-intent boxing and great ultimate boxing. I'd like to see Japanese martial arts beat those names.
Until we meet again.

The king and I

2004-10-28T18:17:00.000+01:00

As promised, here is a photo from my archives:
(please note the recent resizing)

Genius
Hopefully this works.
Anyway, I was thinking today while walking back from an interview about what people do while they are walking. Everyone naturally looks around. Some people look up and see the stars. Some people look around and see the world. Others look down so that they don't step in any crap and some look inwards and see whatever they want to.
I was having a bit of a look at some of the other blogs. My favourite I have found so far was entitled "The beautiful people" - the diary of an american teenage goth. The reason I like this one so much (besides all the insightful explantion of his social dynamics - yawn) was one of his entries which simply read "fuck you". Inspired. In my experience, goths have a habit of taking themselves far too seriously. In my expert opinion, someone should give him a slap.
Time for some food. Have fun.

Sleep cycle

2004-10-26T21:26:00.000+01:00

No, this isn't about a new alternative to sleep walking. It is in fact about my crazy sleep patterns again. Huzzah. I woke up at 2am and it is now 9:30pm. I have spent the day handing in my notice for my flat, sorting out bills and talking to my parents. Also, I have another job interview at 10am. I like to make my life difficult. Oh well, it is all a bit of a giggle. With any luck, I will start having a few mild hallucinations soon. Or maybe just some crazy dreams. I am a big fan of dreams too. I had a dream the other day where I was a crippled kung fu master with a lovely spear. I was going off and practising alone despite my disability. I rule.
Did some cleaning today as well. It made me sneeze a lot. Conclusion - cleaning is bad for you. That's scientifically rigorous that is.
I have spent the last 3 days watching all of angel series five. 21 episodes. My head hurts a bit. Still, it was pretty funny. And it appears. That I can't. Type in sentences. That are longer than. A few words. Genius.
That'll be my cue to go to sleep.

Anagrams

2004-10-24T06:53:00.000+01:00

It is 7am and I have just finished playing pool against nofutureforyu. He wouldn't accept the fact that I kept beating him. Oh well.
I have been trying to find some good anagrams of my name. Here is what the online anagram generators have come up with:

Satan (or santa) demolish
Dalton (or toland) messiah
His last daemon
Sadist manhole

I find it interesting that my name can spell both satan and messiah. Only one which is remotely funny. Oh well.
Good news, I have found out how to post pictures properly. Maybe I will take advantage of this knowledge another day. I am typing one handed as the cat is asleep on the other arm. Git.
Time for bed.
Have fun.

Pedantic

2004-10-23T06:35:00.000+01:00

Reading the packet of drum sitting on my desk, I can't help but be pedantic.
"stopping smoking reduces the risk of fatal heart and lung disease"
I know what this means, but I feel that it is not totally clear.
Stopping (for how long? Stopping who?) smoking (what?) reduces (by how much?) the risk (great game) of fatal (what about non fatal?) heart and lung disease.
To be fair, if they were more accurate, the warning would not fit on the packet. They should just stick to my favourite of "smokers die younger" and keep showing that advert with the fatty deposits in some blokes artery. Much more straight forward. And much more likely to put me off the whole idea. Almost as off putting as smoking drum itself.
Current time - 6:50am.

Learn a new thing everyday

2004-10-23T03:45:00.000+01:00

I have just realized that I can't spell exercise. Damn my poor command of thw written language. Oops. Now, that was an accidental typing error, but I thought I may as well leave it in just to prove my point.
Anyway, back to the title. I have been watching a large amount of BBC learning zone recently. All good stuff. My recent favorite was the rise and fall of communism in Russia. About three hours worth. I am currently watching philosophy in action. Apparently. Looks like boxing to me. For those of you who are thinking that I am being a bit more crazy than usual, I assure you that it all makes sense. Even outside of my own head.
Thing I am not recommending at the moment:
Smoking roll ups when feeling ill.
Smoking roll ups without a filter.
Smoking roll ups at all.
Sound advice.
I was practicing some kung fu earlier and have done myself a mischief. Whilst doing a wood turn (think one leg squats whilst punching some one in the face and stamping on their knee) when I heard a nasty crack coming from my knee. I should add that I felt it as well but can you feel a crack? I didn't mean it that way. Filthy minded people out there. Anyway, I am currently hobbling around my flat trying to get some sympathy from the cat. I don't think it is working.
I have finally swallowed (what little I have left of) my pride and emailed nmrboy to ask him about publishing pictures on here. So maybe there will be some up soon. I knew my webcam would come in handy for something.
Anyone watch the poker final on today? It was great. If you like poker.
I should probably leave it there for today. I fear I am not making too much sense. It is 4am and I have been awake for ten hours. Maybe I should try the old 'sort out my terrible sleep pattern by staying awake for an extra 18 hours' trick. It is a classic after all. You know that you have all thought about it at one time or another.
Right. Time to go.

The Simon complex

2004-10-21T01:02:00.000+01:00

Start with the good news, that is what I was always taught.
My job interview went well today. Easy questions and no real problems. The labs were full of middle aged (?) women who seemed to like me as women of that age tend to do. I am relatively hopeful. Though sadly not as hopeful as everyone else I know who seem convinced that the job is already mine. Still, it is nice that other people have convidence in me.
On to the slightly worse news. Well, I suppose that it isn't really news. It is more of a complex. Part of the Simon complex.
Whenever I drink, I always enjoy it. Though afterwards I am always paranoid. I have always been very quiet and so I am generally the quiet one in the corner. Often amusing myself (not in that way pervert) by taking the advice of the old saying (something along the lines of) "take time to look around before life passes you by". Good words. I am sure that a lot of people would be amazed at some of the things that they never notice because they are in too much of a rush.
Anyway, being paranoid. Having always lacked self confidence, I tend to feel that because I don't put myself forward and join discussions (as it would seem rude to me unless I was invited in some way or had a relevant point) that people seem to view me as being a bit odd. Fair play to them. But not in the way that they think.
I suppose this is one of the ways that I can tell who my real friends are. After going out and drinking with them, I never feel like this. I have the confidence that my opinions are valued and maybe even welcomed.
I really hate being quiet. Not the actual being quiet part (silence is golden), but the part where I find it hard to relate to people. It makes me hard to get to know. Distant. Not true, but it is how it seems. Also, I hate making small talk for the sake of avoiding uncomfortable silences. It seems false or forced to me. Conversation should flow easily or why bother? So instead I sit in the corner. Silent. Watching the world.
That is all I can be bothered to say for now. More of the Simon complex is bound to follow some day.
Time for a quote and some tuna sandwiches. I really must email nmr_monkey and ask him how to put pictures on here. In the words of the phrophecies, a job for another day.
Go go gadget quote:

Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
-Maya Angelou

It is only a step from boredom to disillusionment, which leads naturally to self-pity, which in turn ends in chaos
-Manly Hall quotes

Honesty is as rare as a man without self-pity
-Stephen Vincent Benet

Accept fate, and move on. Don't yield to the seductive pull of self-pity. Acting like a victim threatens your future
-unknown

Notice the theme? It is always good therapy to laugh at one's own afflictions.
My apologies have to go to my dear friend who I have just told about this site today (yesterday by now). If you are reading this, I did not mean to go off on one. It just tends to happen, though normally it is more confined to the four(?) walls of my head. Don't worry. Be happy. That gives me an idea for a song....
Have fun and take time to look at the world.

Go to sleep Simon

2004-10-20T03:05:00.000+01:00

Hello.
Good news - I have a job interview at 10am.
Bad news - it is 3am and I am writing a blog, drinking coffee and practising kung fu instead of going to sleep.
Oh well. I am sure tiredness will add to the fun of finding some place in salford and having an interview for a job that I am both over and under qualified for. Genius.
List of things to do in the morning before the interview:
Eat 3 weetabix,
Drink at least two cups of coffee,
Shower,
Shave,
Iron my suit and a shirt,
Print a map,
Learn how to use a HPLC machine,
Read about the company and memorise their mission statement,
Purchase + smoke some ciggys,
Remember that I have given up smoking,
Chew some gum so that no one notices that I have been smoking.

Most importantly, I need to wake up. This will be the hardest step of course. Oh well.
In other new, I have worked out how to get pictures to show on blog. Just have to figure out how to get them on to blog in the first place.
And time for a quote:

If you want your dreams to come true, don't over sleep.
-Yiddish Proverb

Bugger.
Thanks to http://creativeproverbs.com for ruining all of my dreams in one fell swoop.

Hello

2004-10-19T01:40:00.000+01:00

I have been trying to upload photos to blog via hello. All very confusing. Bearing in mind I do use lots of various computer programs for work and at home, you would think that it would be easy to upload some pictures. Maybe it is just me. I suppose I am easily confused though that usually has something to do with my friends and their randomness.
Speaking of which, a friend of mine came up for the weekend. He has a funny habit of going to sleep at the strangest times of day. Then, when he is asleep, sometimes he will wake up for a minute, talk gibberish (not always even in english) then go back to sleep. Genius.

Things I currently recommend (in no particual order):

Fudge (mmmmm)
Guyver bio booster armour
Sitting down after having eaten far too much
Sleep
Lovely ladies
Texas hold em poker
Kung fu
Elvis
Lots and lots of coffee
People not smoking lovely, oops, I mean evil cigareetes near me

More to be added...
Time for a few proverbs:

No one is rich enough to do without a neighbor.
-Danish Proverb
Everyone thinks his own burden heavy.
-French Proverb
Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and all good things will be yours.
-Swedish proverb

Multi cultuaral wisdom (thanks to http://www.theotherpages.org/quote.html). Genius.
Until I type again....

Sleepaholic

2004-10-15T13:31:00.000+01:00

Sleep is a funny thing. My name is Simon, and I am an addict. Now you may think that I am just being silly, and that everyone needs sleep and is, therefore, an addict. Not so. Well, maybe so. I feel my case is worse though. Regardless of what time I go to sleep, I can not get up before 2pm. It is impossible, unless I have an appointment which I can not break or miss. The brain is a funny thing. I am talking about sleep due to the fact that I have just been woken up by someone ringing my (incredibly loud) door bell. Bastards. Not wanting to appear that I was still asleep at 1pm, I got up, changed, turned my alarms off (which had been on snooze since 10am) and turned on my TV (to imply that I had been awake all this time, oh yes) in less than 30 seconds before rushing to answer the door. It was the builder who had come to sort out my mould problem at last. He assures me that the topological cream is very effective. Only joking.
Anyway, my point is that it is funny how, when someone else is involved, I can be awake on compus mentus(?) in less than a minute. On my own, it would take hours. As I said the brain is a funny thing.
Things I achieved yesterday:
Getting my diablo 2 character to lvl 63 (which is a good thing).
Doing 2 hours of kung fu in my flat with no one motivating me.
Managed to watch a whole hour of the nutty professor 2 before my brain gave in.
Filled a table full of random numbers. I am fairly sure that I put them aal in the right place too.
Got more good news about jobs (this time in warrington).

Not bad for a day.
I have just noticed the spell checker and decided to give it a whirl as I type far quicker than I actually can. Interesting to note that it recognises the word bastards, but not snooze. It is a funny old world.
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Execise is bad for you

2004-10-14T21:07:00.000+01:00

Wow. I have just been doing some wrist rollers and now my arms are so buggered that I can barely type. Still, when I end up with arms like popeye it will all have been worth it.
More potential job offers are coming my way. Sadly I don't know what the actual job is, just that they are looking for a chemist. Now, chemistry is a pretty large field, so who knows what they actually want. Do they know what they actually want? All very strange.
Spent some time earlier today looking up the roots of Hsing I (one of my kung fu styles literally meaning from and mind boxing). For any of you that are interested...
http://www.shenwu.com/hsingi.htm

Currently I am watching The Nutty Proffesor 2. Why you may ask. Well there are two reasons:
1. To laugh at the pathetic attempt at pseudo-science invented by morons in hollywood (it is a scientist thing).
2. To motivate myself to do some work or kung fu practice (in that it is such a crap film that even work is more interesing).
Genius.
On that note, I am off for more kung fu.
I am not off to play computer games. Not at all.....

Welcome to blog

2004-10-13T17:59:00.000+01:00

Well, to quote a phrase, hello.
After much reading of young Neil's blog site, my jealousy has finally got the better of me. That and writing a diary in HTML is a pain in the arse. So here I am. Genius.
To start off on a high note, I have just been told that my cv is being forwarded for a job at a chemical company in salford. On a slightly lower note, the position is for an experienced hplc operator. For those of you that don't know, I am a theoretical chemist. This means that I play on computers all day and don't get any real work done. A hplc is a big scarey(?) machine that I have no clue how to use. I wonder how long I can blag it for....
Currently I am quite poor and so have been living off random food stuffs. This week I have mostly been eating meatballs with rice and drinking hot vimto. Food of champions.
Also, being poor means that I am no longer doing kung fu. This in turn means that I am practising at home in my flat. My small wooden floored flat. I am wondering how long my neighbours will take before they come round to complain.
Talking of my flat, I still have mould growing out of the walls. I told the landlord about this some weeks ago, and they still haven't done anything about it. Joy joy happy joy.
I have also given up smoking. Interestingly enough, it is not the cravings that are bothering me. Instead it is the boredom. I am really bored. Ah, I think I'll have a cigarette. Oh wait. I can't. Bastards. I have started drinking whisky instead. Genius.
That's all for today. Maybe there will be more tomorrow. Maybe not.
Copying something else from Neil, here is a list of things for me to do (this is an actual list that I have written down):

Do some work (you monkey)
Find a job
Do some kung fu
Eat

Genius list.