Thursday, October 21, 2004

The Simon complex

Start with the good news, that is what I was always taught.
My job interview went well today. Easy questions and no real problems. The labs were full of middle aged (?) women who seemed to like me as women of that age tend to do. I am relatively hopeful. Though sadly not as hopeful as everyone else I know who seem convinced that the job is already mine. Still, it is nice that other people have convidence in me.
On to the slightly worse news. Well, I suppose that it isn't really news. It is more of a complex. Part of the Simon complex.
Whenever I drink, I always enjoy it. Though afterwards I am always paranoid. I have always been very quiet and so I am generally the quiet one in the corner. Often amusing myself (not in that way pervert) by taking the advice of the old saying (something along the lines of) "take time to look around before life passes you by". Good words. I am sure that a lot of people would be amazed at some of the things that they never notice because they are in too much of a rush.
Anyway, being paranoid. Having always lacked self confidence, I tend to feel that because I don't put myself forward and join discussions (as it would seem rude to me unless I was invited in some way or had a relevant point) that people seem to view me as being a bit odd. Fair play to them. But not in the way that they think.
I suppose this is one of the ways that I can tell who my real friends are. After going out and drinking with them, I never feel like this. I have the confidence that my opinions are valued and maybe even welcomed.
I really hate being quiet. Not the actual being quiet part (silence is golden), but the part where I find it hard to relate to people. It makes me hard to get to know. Distant. Not true, but it is how it seems. Also, I hate making small talk for the sake of avoiding uncomfortable silences. It seems false or forced to me. Conversation should flow easily or why bother? So instead I sit in the corner. Silent. Watching the world.
That is all I can be bothered to say for now. More of the Simon complex is bound to follow some day.
Time for a quote and some tuna sandwiches. I really must email nmr_monkey and ask him how to put pictures on here. In the words of the phrophecies, a job for another day.
Go go gadget quote:

Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
-Maya Angelou

It is only a step from boredom to disillusionment, which leads naturally to self-pity, which in turn ends in chaos
-Manly Hall quotes

Honesty is as rare as a man without self-pity
-Stephen Vincent Benet

Accept fate, and move on. Don't yield to the seductive pull of self-pity. Acting like a victim threatens your future
-unknown

Notice the theme? It is always good therapy to laugh at one's own afflictions.
My apologies have to go to my dear friend who I have just told about this site today (yesterday by now). If you are reading this, I did not mean to go off on one. It just tends to happen, though normally it is more confined to the four(?) walls of my head. Don't worry. Be happy. That gives me an idea for a song....
Have fun and take time to look at the world.

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